Someone get me out of here.

I thought this was just a gymnastics job. You know--point your toes, lift your chin--things like that.

Wrong. Apparently the kids I teach at the JEA (Jewish Educational Alliance) didn't get the memo.

I pride myself on being an educated, worldly young lady but I'll admit: I lived the first 18 years of my life without ever meeting a Jewish person. Thank you, small town South Carolina, for not preparing me for what just happened.

Not all of the kids who take gymnastics at the JEA are Jewish, but many of them are. The girls wear skirts, even at gymnastics, and the boys wear yamakas, even at gymnastics. It was my third or fourth week teaching these kids, specifically the 8 - 10 year olds when this happened:

One girl and two boys are arguing in whispers while standing in line to do their warm-up jumps. I, being the authority figure and resident badass, say:

"Guys, guys. No arguing in line."
Little girl who is, at this point, quite red in the face: "Coach Holly?"
Me, watching the other kids bounce down the line. "Mmhmm?"
Girl: "Is there such a thing is Jesus?"

Oh shit.

Boy who has uncanny ability to catch his yamaka while upside down: "Blake said there was no such thing as Jesus."
Blake looks at the ground shamefully.

I kind of look away, hoping they'll get distracted by my next statement:
"O.K., everyone straddle jumps all the way down!"

I glance at the trio out of the corner of my eye. They're looking at me with bewildered, painful expressions on their little faces.

And how, do you think, would someone like me (who has been to church a grand total of 10 times in my life and who has met a grand total of zero Jewish people in her life) answer such a question?

"This is gymnastics class. We only talk about gymnastics here. Get back to work."

Nice, Holly. Nice.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06_04/Crepuscular1606_650x488.jpg